“What happened to that boy, mummy?”

Over the years I’ve had many heartfelt conversations with friends about the difficult decision of sending my children to a special development school instead of working through the process of assimilating them into a mainstream school. Whilst I’ve wrestled with all the emotions of them not being ‘suitable’ for a ‘normal school’, our ‘special school’ has offered our family great support for our children and deep down my disappointment and anger lies in how cruel this world can be and that I really wish my children were living the life we had planned for them.

I wish I didn’t have to make the decision to segregate my children from mainstream society. They are innocent to our judgement of them and the whole process makes me mad but I’m glad our country offers the choice. However, I initially made my decision based on protecting the education of other people’s children and preserving the dignity of my own. My child’s excessive vocalisation would continuously interrupt the teachers teaching, not to mention when my child had a one of his daily seizure episodes which often resulted in an ambulance being called to the school followed by a trip to the hospital. I hated the thought of all the drama and gossip that would entail at a mainstream school.

We had the option of Duel enrolment but sadly my children’s health became too unpredictable and it would require so many extra supports in place to join a mainstream school and I had to really question who was this option for, me or them? Our Special school has made my boys days filled with activities suited to their development. As my children were considered high needs their room often had 1 child to 1 support worker as well as the teacher in the class room at all times. The support worker  would assist my children in all areas of school activities as well as any personal care or medical emergencies. I’m grateful that my children could attend such a well equiped school in a regional country town. I was able to gain a little of my own independence when they started school. I took comfort in knowing that their day was full of activity which included assisted art classes, sensory play, jump and dance class, they had a special trampoline in the class room for my eldest son as he loved to bounce, customised swings and playground equipment, modified bikes, standing frames, lifting hoists, quiet places to rest while they recovered from seizures or were feeling unwell, the school even had its own Swimming pool and offered my children hydrotherapy twice a week, trained nurses on call and specialised staff to administer emergency medications or to feed via nasal or gastric peg, they offered therapeutic massage’s, physiotherapist, speech therapist and occupational therapist. Looking back now for my children their was no substituting this level of care and the peace of mind having them attend this special school.

However, the one thing I always felt saddened by was that there were no ‘normal kids’ involved in their day-to-day life experience from kindergarten onwards.

As much as I wished my children were more like yours, I wish more, that your children learn empathy, to connect to children like mine.

Shouldn’t all children have the opportunity to see how other children live, be it coloured, race, religion, and ability? and if not, why not?

I’d like to see a community where we have regular shared community involvement with our special needs children with mainstream primary school children. Particularly in the early years classes, it would be lovely to offer our children the opportunity for shared excursions together or some kind of buddy program. As a parent with a child with special needs I often hear children asking the question,”What happened to that boy Mummy?”  and the parents will often usher their children away and say “sorry”to me or “don’t be rude” to their child for asking questions so openly. Quite often I don’t know how to give a short answer. It can be awkward for everyone but as special needs mum, I’ve gotten use to awkward moments. I say ‘I’ve gotten comfortable with being uncomfortable’.

I know progress as a society takes time and I appreciate how far we have come in encouraging inclusion. However I feel that in most communities not enough is being done to teach our young children about people with a disability. Who’s job is it anyway? Who will start the process with in our communities? You? Me? What are we afraid of? It can only benefit us all.

My son went to a mainstream kindergarten with a teacher’s aide to assist him with the class room activities, he had a wheelchair and learning how to use a walking frame. The children, teachers and parents were amazingly supportive, he made some beautiful friends and I believe that experience shaped all of our lives for the better. I’ve kept the special pieces of artwork the children did at kinder still to this day and probably will forever. One piece of artwork was a canvas with all the children’s handprints with a message saying ‘some kind hands to help you along your way’. My children get so excited when they hear babies or children’s voices around them either singing or talking and it’s just beautiful watching another child connect so naturally with mine.

These children found their compassion and empathy for humankind, some more than others but it opened that line of communication with their parents and a learning took place about others with higher needs than their own. I personally found it very difficult knowing all those gorgeous compassionate kids, my sons new friends, went off to the mainstream primary school while my son started his new schooling at the ‘Special Development School’on his own. I had those children’s parents saying how sad their kids were that they couldn’t be at the same primary school as my son. I found myself wanting to delay him starting school and staying at the kinder for another year just to continue the socializing with the ‘normal’ kids for another year in the hope that maybe he’d start to talk too. I regret this never happened.

So as another school year begins, I watch from the side lines all the young children starting school for the first time and I feel that mixed emotion of heart ache for some and excitement for others and grief for my own.

Rest assured no matter what school your child goes to, all our children are unique and special, and deserve the best opportunities to develop to their fullest potential, some will need more help than others but all of them will want to make friends with that special someone.